OFFICIALLY LICENSED
BY US MARINE CORPS
“Santa to be Treated as Hostile Target This Christmas”- White House
Washington, D.C.- Today White House press secretary Jay Carney announced that the Obama administration has ordered all combat aircraft currently stationed CONUS to conduct air patrols on Christmas Eve.
The target?
According to Carney, “that politically incorrect monster, Santa Claus.”
Carney went on to elaborate- “this is an administration that, maybe falls short on policy, but will never fall short on caring about the feelings of every sensitive American.”
This self-proclaimed war on Santa by the White House appears to be a front for the war on political correctness. “Some Americans don’t believe in Santa, imagine how devastating it would be if their feelings were hurt knowing Santa is over American skies on the 25th.”
Sources close to White House officials claim that there’s a different motive at play here.
According to a senior aid that wishes to remain anonymous, Vice President Biden is to blame for the Santa ban.
“When Vice President Biden was a young boy he asked for an Easy Bake Oven, and Ken doll (with matching convertible Chrysler Sebring). Christmas came and Joe received only a football and a model train set- the Vice President never fully recovered from the experience.”
Left-wing media outlets have praised the decision, stating that while admittedly, the President “maybe didn’t do so good” with Iraq, Benghazi, Iran, Obamacare, IRS targeting scandals, the Fast and Furious initiative, the VA, and Solyndra, making sure no feelings are hurt come December 25th is a step in the right direction.
There have been some surprising critics of the administration’s new policy, among them Democratic Congressmen Hank Johnson. Many remember Johnson as the Congressman who on live television fully claimed that he believed an increase in U.S. military personnel in Guam would “cause the island to be too heavy, and flip over.”
This time Johnson’s concern is that “if we have all these damn flying machines overhead the Tooth Fairy might have trouble flying from house to house.
A press release from the North Pole claims it doesn’t fear the administration’s new position, because in Santa Claus’ own words, “young Barack has been on the naughty list ever since assuming the presidency.”
*At press time Vice President Biden and Congressman Johnson were last seen playing with Natasha Obama’s old doll house on the south lawn.
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